I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So squirting runs in the family.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
