His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
