All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
