She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize