is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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