My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
