I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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