Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
