the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
