he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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