well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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