if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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