Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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