In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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