So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
