I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
