I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
