Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are all done wearing pants today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
