Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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