I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
