I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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