Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
