How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
