this beer tastes like vomit already
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
