Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
