he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
