I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
