It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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