I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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