I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
