You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
