bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
