bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
