And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
