was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
