It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
