Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
