So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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