I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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