They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize