so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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