I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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