If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
