i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i think i just lost a toe
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
