i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
