I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize