I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
