shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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