Plan B is the new Plan A
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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