If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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