No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
