I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
