This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
