i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
