We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
