He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
