At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
