He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
