I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
