i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
