I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
