Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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