I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize