i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
