she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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