I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
