a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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