so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
