sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
