but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
